AWKWARD BABY NAMES THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER USE

Becoming a parent is undoubtedly one of the most exciting times in a person’s life. That said, it’s also one of the most difficult. There are tons of decisions to be made when a little one enters the world — and if you find yourself worrying that you’ll forget the big questions, don’t. Everyone around you will seem to have a never-ending list of baby questions, ensuring you never forget a thing. What color will you paint the nursery? Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? And, of course, have you picked out a name?

Ahh, your baby’s name. Of course, your baby is unique — so he or she so deserves a rare baby name, but nothing too weird. You’ve racked your brain for ideas, scoured baby name websites and books, and called your friends and family for help. It can be quite overwhelming, and you may find yourself wanting to just draw a name out of a hat and call it a day. But before you do that, it may help to start by ruling out some awkward names that you’ll probably want to avoid as contenders when naming your little angel.

ALLEGRA

 

This baby name is sure to evoke some sneezy memories of allergies past. According to nameberry, the name Allegra is a baby girl’s name with Italian origins meaning “joyous.” Coincidentally, this joyful name also has roots of the musical variety — an allegro in music means a “quick and lively tempo.”

Perhaps this name would be perfect for a baby destined to be a prima ballerina. That is, of course, if it weren’t the name of one of the most popular medicines to help combat “indoor and outdoor allergy symptoms.” What a shame that such a beautiful name had to be sullied by associations with sneezing and itchy eyes!

Allegra, which hit pharmacies in the United States in the late ’90s, is the most popular brand name for the drug Fexofenadine, an antihistamine used to treat Allergic Rhinitis and Urticaria. In other words, it’s the rescue drug you reach for when those seasonal allergies start to kick in. While we’re definitely thankful for the work Allegra does in keeping us sneeze-free, we have to admit that we feel robbed of a pretty darn good baby girl name.

APPLE

 

If you fancy yourself as a big Gwyneth Paltrow/Chris Martin fan, then you’re likely familiar with this unusual baby name. Heck, even if you’re not a Paltrow/Martin fan, you’ve probably heard of their kid.

Born in May 2004, the first child of Paltrow and Martin made major headlines when she was barely out of the womb! Why? Well, she has her lovely, super-famous parents to thank for that. Of course, like many other celebrity parents, the Oscar-winning actress and world-famous rockstar couldn’t simply give their daughter a normal name. After all, she’s not a normal kid — she’s a famous kid, destined for a life in the spotlight. And a kid like no other calls for a name like no other. And that name is Apple.

Apple’s name was such a big deal at the time that Paltrow and Marin felt they had to explain just what exactly they were thinking when they named their daughter. According to People, “Martin’s North American booking agent, Marty Diamond, has a daughter named Apple, and the couple asked his permission to give their child the same first name if they had a girl.” Just when we thought the world only had room for one Apple!

STARBUCK

 

Your baby is the light of your life. You love your child more than anything else in the world, so it only makes sense to name your baby after something else that holds a place near and dear to your heart, right? This is the only sensible reason why a person would name their little bundle of joy after arguably the most popular coffeehouse in the country — Starbucks.

No — there’s no need to adjust your settings — you read that correctly. According to Baby Center, Starbuck has been used as both a baby boy and a baby girl name. In fact, since 2016, it’s been sitting firmly at number 16,443 on the list of the most popular baby girl names. And while it’s not the most popular of names, it’s certainly surprising to hear that people love their mocha lattes that much. The only upside to this moniker? The barista at Starbucks will definitely know how to spell it!

LUCIFER

 

You might be asking yourself, “Do people really name their kids Lucifer?” The answer, my friend, is yes — yes, they do. And while we can’t explain exactly why a loving parent might choose to give their son or daughter the name of, well, literally Satan — we can pretty much assure you that the kid is going to have a heck of a time explaining it when he or she gets older. And can you imagine how hard of a time they’re going to have trying to get a job with Lucifer printed at the top of their resumé? Sheesh.

According to Baby Center, the name Lucifer can be both a baby boy’s name and a baby girl’s name — whaaaa? Since 2016, the name has risen in popularity amongst baby boys, sitting firmly at number 4,248 on the list. Baby Center lists the theme for this name as “dark and scary” because duh.

LIKE

 

It’s no secret that social media plays a giant role in all of our lives. Even if you aren’t an active “social media participant” (like this, um, intriguing Bachelorette contestant), those close to you likely are. After all, it’s Facebook’s world, and we’re just living in it.

Over a billion of us are on Facebook, so odds are you’re one of them. Maybe you find yourself asking, “If you love Facebook so much, why don’t you name your baby after it?” Unfortunately, someone has already beaten us to the punch. In 2011, Mashable reported (via CNN) that an Israeli couple had given birth to a healthy baby girl and named her after one of their favorite Facebook features — the like button. And interestingly enough, at the time of their baby girl’s birth, Facebook’s like button had just celebrated its first birthday.

The parents swear that naming their baby Like wasn’t some kind of gimmick — they genuinely just like the meaning behind the name. Like, for real.

ISIS

 

Given the current state of the world, this one is a no-brainer. Before ISIS came to be known as the acronym for a terrorist organization, the name Isis was best known from its origins in Egyptian and Greek mythology.

According to Britannica, Isis was known in ancient mythology as a magical healer that could bring the dead back to life, as well as a supremely motherly and feminine figure who “was a role model for women everywhere,” teaching Egyptian women how to bake, weave, and make some brewskis. Oh, not to mention that Isis was a freaking shapeshifter! When her husband was murdered, she turned herself into a bird to fly around and find his body. She’s most often represented as that bird, a scorpion, a cow, a sow, and her beautiful, goddess self.

Unfortunately, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) has taken claim of this name, so it’s probably best to stay far, far away from it unless you want your kid to have to constantly clarify the mythological inspiration for her name.

IMA

 

If you’re considering naming your baby Ima, I’m a-hoping you have a good reason — and a great last name. Think about it — if you name your kid Ima, they will forever be whatever their last name calls to mind.

Let’s just say your last name is Horse. If you name your daughter Ima, she’ll be forced to say Ima Horse for the rest of her life whenever someone asks her what her name is. What kind of cruel and unusual punishment is that? But, hey — it could be worse! James Stephen Hogg, who was the Governor of Texas from 1890 to 1894, named his baby girl Ima Hogg. Legend had it that Ima had a sister with an equally unfortunate name — Ura Hogg — but (thankfully) that was proven to be untrue.

Ima Hogg did go on to be very successful in her life, earning her title as “The First Lady of Texas” and carving out a place in the hearts and history books of Texans across the state. You go, girl!

FELICIA

 

Chances are you can’t even read this name without thinking — or saying — “Bye, Felicia!” These are two words that can be found in nearly every corner of the internet, but do you even know where the popular catchphrase originated?

The short, punchy sentence comes from a ’90s classic comedy starring Ice Cube — Friday (by the way, if you’ve never had the pleasure of kicking back and watching Friday, do yourself a favor and indulge asap). In the movie, Ice Cube’s character, Craig Jones, uses the phrase to shut down a nosey, noisy, annoying neighbor named — you guessed it — Felicia. The clip is totally NSFW, by the way — but it’s essential viewing to truly understand the origins of this popular way to shut down your haters!

Felicia is a pretty name for a baby girl, but considering the popularity of this catchphrase, your baby will likely spend the rest of her life being the butt of an overplayed joke.

COLON

 

Talk about an awkward baby name. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I probably don’t have to do much explaining as to why you shouldn’t name your baby Colon. However, it’s on the list, which means that somebody — somewhere — definitely did name their baby Colon (though, it’s mostly been used as a surname throughout history).

Puerto Rican singer Ashley Colon and Puerto Rican wrestler Carlos Colón are just two examples of people who share the last name. However, there’s a mega-famous Colon in history that you likely know well, and his name is Cristóbal Colón — better known as Christopher Columbus. Who would have thought?

According to ThoughtCo, Colon is the 53rd most common Spanish surname. What’s surprising is that Colon as a baby girl’s first name has risen in popularity throughout the years, according to Baby Center. The name originates from Spain and means “dove,” which is a sweet sentiment — but, you know, unless Spanish is you mother tongue, maybe it’s best to just name your kid Dove.

Look, we don’t know what your last name is. But we feel pretty confident in saying that you’d probably prefer not to have your last name as a first name, as well.

 

 

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